forgive them Lord, they know not what they do

"Hey dude, listen, I'm not trying to be an asshole, I mean...I wasn't trying to be a dick..."

You know, an apology is worthless if it's insincere. I mean think about it, seriously. If someone fucks up and then apologizes, but the words or expressions they use are obviously not truthful, they are not apologizing, they're adding insult to injury by not taking responsibility for their actions. It hurts to know that people can do this all the time and therefore never have to deal with a single confrontation, because they honestly believe, somewhere deep inside their little conniving brains that they are righteous. Beyond this is some rambling-dime-store-psych-101 bull shit, but on the surface it comes across as fucking retarded, and it surprises me to learn that almost no one else gets it. People have become so disconnected from each other, we can't discern smiles from frowns or lies from truths. Facial and body language reading and recognition used to a be a science, now it's a skill because people don't look each other in the eyes anymore. People stopped caring if someone else was telling the truth because it's easier to just sit back and let the static flow over our brains like waves. It's easier to not ask questions. It's easier to let things slide. If you ask me, it's a fucking cop out to just lay here and take it like a prisoner.

I know I'm not alone on this one, but I hate being told what to do, by anyone, let alone people who I don't trust or agree with. Sometimes I wish I was born to some family in the middle of Kansas, where I would have been brought up Christian and chivalrous, where moral values would take the place of any problems that I would ever encounter, where normalcy is as common as grass, and where I could just fade away like the rest of them. If I could wake up and not worry about anything but my farm and my family, it would be serene. If I never left my property because there would be no need to, it would be so easy. Everything laid out on the table for all to see, no hidden agendas or questions or mysteries of life, everything just the way it should be, for all time. Sometimes I wish I had been born thousands of years ago, where the only thing to do was survive. There are too many variables in this day and age; too many nails that were never hammered in far enough, so every time you walk past they catch on your sweater and eventually those little holes grow bigger, until one day the entire sweater is in pieces, and there's no amount or type of string that could ever stitch it back up.

I have been led astray from the path that I chose to take. The problem is not that I am lost, but that the guide who assured me of the safety of the path is an autistic drunkard who has the attention span of a goldfish. I have been lied to and deconstructed so that I may be recreated in the image of my maker. Promises have been made, platforms have been erected, effigies built, slogans coined, songs have been written, rumors have been circulated, autographs faked, moving boxes have been worn out, mantlepieces dusted, idols idolized, the sands have been shifted, curtains have been closed, sleepers all are waked, now the hourglass is smashed and it didn't leave me an escape.